


Under -Pressure- Quarantine

by orphan_account



Series: Just Chillin' On Twitter [1]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: A Single Homestuck Reference, Artist Steve Rogers, Pictures In Tweets But They're Only Described So Just Use Your Imagination Please, Social Media, Twitter, We're Just Going To Be Ignoring Timelines 'Kay?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-02-23 01:00:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23269825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: UnderPressureQuarantinefrom youtube @spiderguyUnder quarantine. Bored. Made a twitter.Tweeted on March 17, 202X at 8:36:20 PMfrom youtube @spiderguyBefore anyone asks, no I don’t lay eggsTweeted on March 17, 202X at 8:36:34 PM
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Spider-Man & Internet
Series: Just Chillin' On Twitter [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1673263
Comments: 13
Kudos: 473





	1. We All Start From Somewhere

**Author's Note:**

> All typos are intentional!

**from youtube @spiderguy**

Under quarantine. Bored. Made a twitter. 

_Tweeted on March 17, 202X at 8:36:20 PM_

  
  


**from youtube @spiderguy**

Before anyone asks, no I don’t lay eggs

_Tweeted on March 17, 202X at 8:36:34 PM_

  
  


**from youtube @spiderguy**

Proof I’m me

[Picture: Spider-Man standing on the ceiling of the empty Avengers’ common room above the couch, flashing double thumbs up at the camera, and his mask is crinkled so he might be smiling. Over his usual suit is a comfy looking and well worn MIT hoodie as well as a pair of joggers.]

_Tweeted on March 17, 202X at 10:12:31 PM_

> **@gitc**

Welcome man!!

>> **@spiderguy**

Thanks!!

  
  


**from youtube @spiderguy**

I mean I figured I was at least somewhat liked since most people aren’t actively trying to arrest me anymore but I didn’t expect having to turn off my notifications

_Tweeted on March 17, 202X at 10:47:18 PM_

> **@telaney**

what do u mean ‘somewhat liked’????? ur like the most popular superhero ever?????

> **@spideysbro**

bro is modest af. love that for him

> **@spider_fan44**

spidey being humble is such a nice refresher even if it means hes either a) oblivious or 2) insecure

>> **@yuiz**

even if he’s insecure (and thats sad) it makes him more relatable

>> **@wasitevenreal**

why tf did you do a and 2 tf man

>>> **@whoareyou**

you gotta do what you gotta do

>>> **@spider_fan44**

idk just felt liek it

>> **@justchillin**

Today’s cursed comment…

> **@gitc**

@dontcallmemj he’s even dumber than we thought

>> **@dontcallmemj**

Oh we havent seen anything yet

  
  


**from youtube @spiderguy**

I’ve seen some people asking about my username. It’s from one of my early interactions with anyone as Spider-Man

> **@spiderguy**

Guy at stand: Hey! You’re that spider guy from YouTube, right?!

Me: Call me Spider-Man!

Guy: Okay Spider-Man. Do a flip!

Me: *flips*

Guy: Yeah!!

Guy next to him holding a boombox (still don’t know why, to this day): Not bad

>> **@spiderguy**

Stand guy, boombox guy… if you’re out there…

>>> **@spiderguy**

But srsly, where was boombox guy going? Was there a song he needed to play to someone? What was his story???

>>>> **@foxnewsisfakenews**

Find out the rest of that story and others, tonight on Fox News at 11, channel 13. 


	2. Bad Memes

**from youtube @spiderguy**

Day 2 of quarantine. Have taken to rewatching @mulaney and making unfunny edits

[Picture: John Mulaney’s “I’m new in town”, except it’s [edited](https://imgur.com/a/7YWMM9s) to say “Excuse me, I am Spider-Man. I am bi. I have memes. I’m new in the super community.”]

> **@gay_dragonz**

youre bi???

> **@stantoomuch**

Omg we stan

> **@repreprep**

Lgbt+ rep?? In 202X?? It’s more likely than you think

> **@randompasserby**

@quarantinemoods

>> **@quarantinemoods**

This just in: Spider-Man rewatching @mulaney while under quarantine is definitely the biggest mood so far

> **@sertainly**

Wait… ar3 u infected???

**from youtube @spiderguy**

I guess you could say… I swing both ways. 

> **@gitc**

I wish i could say i'm surprised

> **@ioopster**

an eye oop-

> **@56tigers!**

...unfollowed

>> **@terrycherry**

oh hush asshole

> **@dontcallmemj**

i knew his stupid hadnt truly shone yet

>> **@spiderguy**

So much faith in me (jk you're right but my peak has yet to come)

>>> **@dontcallmemj**

Ik dork

> **@shuriken**

big mood

>> **@spiderguy**

doom gib

>>> **@shuriken**

domo bgi

>>>> **@spiderguy**

mdoo igb

**from youtube @spiderguy**

Just to clarify: No, I haven’t tested positive for corona. However, I do have an altered anatomy. Since we don’t know how COVID-19 works or how it would react with me (or other mutants/enhanced), I’m under quarantine/house arrest to protect not only myself, but everyone else. If you can, try and do the same. Stay safe folks!

> **@wasitmeurlook4**

well isnt that just so sweet of him

> **@sorpsoup**

spidey always surprises me with his thoughtfulness. staying home jic??? dang

> @ **guy_ice?**

he said folks i-

>> **@potatopotato**

*swings on in in cowboy hat an boots, barley stickin' out ma mouth* howdy y'all i'm yur frien'ly nayborhuud spyder-mayn. how's it goin' folks

>>> **@rekt_gamer**

LMFAO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @potatopotato is Harley btw :P


	3. That QnA Queens Folks Had Wanted For Years Is Finally Here

**from youtube @spiderguy**

Day 3. Still bored. QnA?

> **@curiouscats**

best part about being Spider-Man?

>> **@spiderguy**

Honestly? Actually being able to help people. It’s a great feeling and even if sometimes some people don’t appreciate, I don’t mind because I helped someone. I did my best before Spider-Man to help, but now I actually can help, and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. 

> **@negativenelly**

the worst thing abt bein spiderman?

>> **@spiderguy**

Personal life. I’ve got somewhat of a reputation now for being untrustworthy and a flake, but I can’t explain “I can hear a mugging and I have to web the muggers up brb” to them. Also the amount of people who have suspicions about my home life since I have injuries all the time. 

> **@scottlizard**

who are you? Like, other than Spider-Man

>> **@spiderguy**

Nice try

>>> **@scottlizard**

dangit

> **@riprover**

Fav song??

>> **@spiderguy**

Oh gosh, too many to pick from. Idk, probably something 2000s pop

> **@lushnitup**

can i be ur s/o

>> **@spiderguy**

Sorry, but I already have one. (Sorry for rejecting you personally, this is just the first tweet I came across asking this). 

>>> **@lushnitup**

thats fineeee

> **@notdeaddeadpool**

tacos???

>> **@spiderguy**

tacos

> **@sciencerocksmagical**

What are your powers?

>> **@spiderguy**

The usual enhanced senses, sticking to stuff (duh), and some extras. Not sure if they're powers but I have fangs and can purr

>>> **@aaaaa**

oh my god? he can PURR

>>> **@biololigist**

holy shit w o a h

>>> **@12and14**

that is the cutest fucking thing-

>>> **@importantspideyupdates**

this is by far the most important info

> **@journqlist**

There’s always a lot of confusion around this so imma just ask. Are you an Avenger?

>> **@spiderguy**

Haha, funny story…. I actually turned down being an Avenger. 

>>> **@journqlist**

Dude. why

>>> **@strengthlegs**

How???

>>> **@werq123**

What!??!?!!

>>> **@spiderguy**

Okay so basically what happened is that Mr. Stark just whisks me away to the compound, right? Shows me a fancy new suit he made me, offers me the position, has this whole speech about it and what entails, right? Like, I’d get my own room there and everything, but here’s the (1/?)

>>>> **@spiderguy**

thing. I thought it was a test. You know, like a responsibility/greed test? So I essentially told him “Cool, but no thanks. Rather stay local, you know? I mean, the suit and everything is cool, but I’m not sure I’m ready?” (2/?)

>>>>> **@spiderguy**

So long story short, he had to propose early to Mrs. Potts then instead of at some fancy restaurant or some heartwarming moment because he had to tell the press that he’d gathered *some* news. (3/3)

>>>>>> **@izak8**

that was wild from start to finish…

> **@qwaunfa**

How old are you???

>> **@spiderguy**

[video: 21vine.mp4] jk but … 12 - 69 range

>>> **@sallyboopts**

nice

> **@snootsnut2**

Least favorite villain?

>> **@spiderguy**

Like… all of them. I can only hide my cracked ribs as having a stomachache so many times…

> **@flowersp-purble6**

u always get beat up rlly bad but u nvr go to a hospital??? Where do u go?????

>> **@spiderguy**

An alley, my bathroom - wherever really. 

> **@spiderguy**

People keep asking me why I never cuss. It’s because Spider-Man is rated E for everyone. 

>> **@ellieisconcerned**

But you fight people…? Like, beat criminals up in alleys??

>>> **@spiderguy**

Spider-Man's fists are rated E for everyone too

> **@rixen_69**

Is cereal a soup? Discuss

>> **@spiderguy**

Is liquid, in bowl, eat with spoon. Conclusion: soup

**from youtube @spiderguy**

Thanks for all the questions everybody! Sorry if I didn't get to yours, but I might do this again some time ;)


	4. Limb Regrowth? How About Painting Instead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's like no continuity for how characters speak but ah well. I tried

**do YOu LaY eGGs?? @spiderguy**

Day 4 of house arrest. Might rip off a limb out of boredom, idk

> **@recit6**

Omg plz don't

> **@freakedrip**

Wtf

> **@restinpepe**

Dude r u ok??

>> **@spiderguy**

Never but thanks for asking! :)

>>> **@tytyyw**

F

> **@qwerty69**

Is that like a thing you can actally do????

> **@zernlayschips**

what

> **@jarerthd**

Supers are fucking weird

>> **@mul_bot**

And we were like we know but hey!

> **@gitc**

dont you fucking dare. not this shit again

>> **@spiderguy**

;;;;)

>>> **@randomkinnie**

v-vaska homestuck... is that you????

**do YOu LaY eGGs?? @spiderguy**

Breaking news! Still bored. Any Netflix suggestions??? Or anything suggestions??

> **@reshtesh6_90**

the withcher!

> **@luftblalloons**

theyve got that docuseries about vigilantes you might like

> **@retweetmyfeet**

stranger things if you somehow havent seen it

> **@readyornah**

the lego movie bops tbh

> **@imnot12iswear**

spongebob

  
  


**do YOu LaY eGGs?? @spiderguy**

After watching some Stranger Things and getting bored again, Mr. America is teaching me to paint!! (I'm so sorry Mr. America I'm so bad at it)

  
  


**do YOu LaY eGGs?? @spiderguy**

Y'all: Share your painting

Me: No, I don't think I will

> **@spiderguy**

Just realized this isn't funny to everyone else because you don't know about Steve's QuotesTM. Ah well :/

>> **@thxunext**

Its the thought tjat counts

>> **@curiouslikemars**

But we could…

>> **@gossiph0und**

Bro spill plzzz

> **@ralmnarice**

its ok we wont make fun of it!!

> **@erik_salmin**

aww i wanted 2 see some spidey paintings!!

  
  


**do YOu LaY eGGs?? @spiderguy**

Okay okay I fold - here’s our paintings

[Picture: Two easels in front of a floor to ceiling window. Standing by the left one is Steve Rogers and by the other one is Spider-Man. Steve’s painting is a closeup of one of the many buildings while Spider-Man’s is a skyline painting. Steve’s is more detailed and it’s obvious he has far more experience, but Spider-Man’s isn’t bad.]

> **@sallyavrillavigne**

Nice job Spidey

> **@cindymoonmoon**

Looks nice!!

> **@poptartpaulblart**

noice

> **@dontcallmemj**

Oh so you'll paint with Cap but won't draw with lil ol' me? I see how it is

>> **@spiderguy**

sorry MJ but the quarantine put us in this situation :(

>>> **@dontcallmemj**

I know, just kidding again loser

>>>> **@spiderguy**

:)

**do YOu LaY eGGs?? @spiderguy**

Cap’n ‘Merica quotes: a thread

|

**@spiderguy**

Sam: You want to tell me about her?

Steve: No I don’t think I will

|

**@spiderguy**

Bucky: So Tony said-

Steve: Whatever he said don’t trust it

|

**@spiderguy**

Tony: So I was thinking-

Steve: A first

|

**@spiderguy**

*sees dog*

Steve: One of the only good things left in this world

|

**@spiderguy**

(Wasn’t here to see this one unfortunately)

*in the middle of a battle*

Tony: Shit!

Steve: Language.

|

**@spiderguy**

*super hot in the tower*

Me: Hey who wants to do the ice bucket challenge

Steve: One time was enough for me, thanks

|

**@spiderguy**

He fits right in with us gen X-Zers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You decide if Steve is old or nah. Also, Cindy Moon and Sally Avril (Deca team members) made an appearance, in case you missed it!


	5. Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Does Whatever A Baker Can

**yeah i thwip @spiderguy**

Day ?? of quarantine. I've decided to take up baking

**baking is hard @spiderguy**

Update: it isn't going very well

[Picture: Spider-Man out of suit. He's wearing a hoodie and jeans, flour all over both, as well as part of the cake batter. His face is blurred, but you can clearly see a mop of curly brown hair. He's holding out a bowl with one hand and a peace sign with the other. The bowl's contents are half-mixed and all over the sides of the bowl, a bit of it outside too.]

> **@tatratouuille**

I know we can't see much, but dare I say… cute????

> **@redenningsweets**

This tweet singlehandedly saved me

> **@michaelabakes**

You just gotta mix slower boo xx

>> **@spiderguy**

Omg thank you sm I'll try that

**baking is a little easier @spiderguy**

Thank you @michaelabakes for the tip! :)

[Picture: Spider-Man is leaning against a counter, double thumbs up. Beside him is pretty well mixed batter, and the bowl and counter have been cleaned up. Spider-Man's clothing hasn't been given the same treatment, but doesn't look any worse. He has his mask on now. The guy's wised up in many ways.]

**baking is a little easier @spiderguy**

Soon

[Video: short clip of Spider-Man pouring batter into a pan.]

**baking is a little easier @spiderguy**

Mr. Stark is rich enough to own three pans, so use all three I shall. 

[Picture: three cake pans spread out on racks in the oven, all filled with batter.]

**whoopsie @spiderguy**

Forgot to put them into different sized pans so…

[Picture: Spider-Man's head is turned towards the camera, looking at the three identical cake layers. He's shrugging and in one hand holds a small kitchen knife.]

**betrayed @spiderguy**

Betrayal: A Short Slideshow

[Picture: side view of Spider-Man cutting a cake, making the circle smaller.] [Picture: Spider-Man's mask is rolled up over his nose but he's facing almost entirely away from the camera, making details imperceptible. He's eating whatever scraps he's cut off from the cake.] [Picture: a motion blurred picture of Spider-Man lunging at the camera and whoever was taking the photos.]

**jokester @spiderguy**

She's A Bad Mama Jama (She's Built, She's Stacked)

[Picture: the three naked cake layers stacked on top of each other. Off to the side is an opened thing of frosting.]

**okay at baking @spiderguy**

My magnum opus. 

[Picture: a three layered cake, obviously done by a novice, but it isn't terrible. The three layers are different sizes, biggest at the bottom, and they're all covered in messy chocolate frosting. Spread around unevenly are strawberry slices, laying on top of and pressed into the sides of the cake.] [Picture: a paper plate with a slice of cake on it.]

**okay at baking @spiderguy**

Not to toot my own horn, but it's McFreaking good. 

**TiAu Man @tstark**

Yeah, @spiderguy 's cake is pretty okay. 


End file.
